


Bros Before Hos

by Tayla36



Category: Glee
Genre: Fuckurt trope bingo 2015, Gen, No Beth Square
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 21:58:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4641705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tayla36/pseuds/Tayla36
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bros before hos, dude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bros Before Hos

Puck knocks on the door to the Hudson’s house. It’s 10:30 on a Thursday morning and there is only a few days left until school starts. Their sophomore year. Puck is looking forward to it. Finn’s gonna be Quarterback this year, and Puck is the best running back on the team. Well one of the best. Chang is pretty good, too, but after so many years Finn is just used to throwing to Puck.

He knocks again, a bit louder. Carole’s car isn’t in the drive, so he knows she isn’t home. Finn is probably still sleeping. 

He thinks about knocking again, but if Finn were awake, he would have answered by now, and if he’s still asleep he won’t hear it.

Puck hops the fence and goes to the back door. He tries it and it is locked, but if you jiggle the handle just the right way, it will pop open. 

Puck lets himself into the Hudson’s house. The house is quiet, but he can just hear Finn’s snores over the hum of the fridge. He grabs a pop and makes his way upstairs.

There’s Finn, sprawled out in his bed in just his boxers. 

Puck sits down in the desk chair and flips on Finn’s computer. He goofs around online for a while, but gets bored with it. He spins around and watches Finn sleep for a minute and decides that is kind of boring too. 

Puck kicks Finn’s foot that is hanging off the edge of the bed.

“Wake up, I’m bored.”

Finn snorts and rolls over, staring blearily at Puck. 

“Wtimzit?”

“It’s almost noon, man. Get up.”

“Why?”

“I’m bored. Let’s do something.”

Finn gets out of bed and shuffles to the bathroom.

 

They’ve been playing Halo for a couple of hours.

“I gotta tell you what happened last night.”

“Dude, I don’t wanna hear about you banging another cougar.”

“I didn’t bang a cougar. I went to a party.”

“Without me? Not cool, Puckerman.”

“Wasn’t really a party. This Cheerio called me and said she was having a party and that I should come and bring wine coolers. When I got there it was just me and her. She wanted to bang me, but I said no and got out of there.”

“Why dude, was she ugly? I didn’t think any of the cheerleaders was ugly.”

“Finn, dude, it was Quinn.”

Finn looks puzzled. “Quinn who?”

Puck rolls his eyes.

Finn throws down his controller and stands up. Puck does too, because if Finn’s gonna start swinging, he wants to start on equal footing. 

“Why’d you even go over there? That’s my girlfriend.”

“She said it was a party. Puckzilla doesn’t pass up a party.”

Finn does shove Puck then. “Did you get her drunk and hit on her?”

“No, dude she hit on me. She asked me if I thought she looked fat and then started kissing me.”

Finn shoves Puck again. “You kissed my girlfriend?”

“Well, yeah a little. But I left before it went any further.”

“It shouldn’t have gotten that far.” Finn is yelling now.

“Tell her that. It was her idea.” Puck yells back.

Finn deflates then, and sits back down on the sofa. 

Puck warily sits next to him. “Sorry dude.”

“Yeah well, thanks for not fucking my girlfriend.”

“Bro code, dude. What are you gonna do?”

“I guess I’m gonna break up with her.”

“You sure you want to do that?”

“Yeah, she was gonna bang another dude. I don’t get that. I’d be happy to bang her if that’s what she wants.”

“Chicks. Who understands them?”

“You date a lot of girls, don’t you understand them?”

“I don’t try to date them. I just bang them.”

 

A week later, after school starts, Puck questions Finn as to why he’s still walking around the school with Quinn on his arm.

“I thought you were gonna break up with her.”

“I can’t. She’s pregnant.”

“You never said you banged her. When did that happen?”

“I didn’t. We were fooling around one night in her hot tube and I…you know. She said it happened then.”

“You what? Came in the hot tub? In the water, not in her?”

Finn nods.

“Dude, you can’t get a girl pregnant like that.”

“You can’t?”

“No Finn, the water is too hot and it’s got chemicals in it. No way you’re stuff would be able to get through your suit, swim through the too hot, chlorinated water, get through her suit and up her snatch to get to her eggs. No way that happens.” 

“So she’s lying to me.”

“You confront her with that. I bet she tries to blame it on me. Watch.”

 

 

Things came to a head the next day in Glee. Finn took Quinn aside before class and told her that he was breaking up with her. 

“You can’t break up with me. I’m having your baby.”

The room went silent. Because of course she said it loud enough to draw everyone’s attention. 

Mercedes was the first to speak. “White boy, you better step up and take care of that baby.” 

“Shut up, Aretha. It’s none of your business.”

“It’s none of yours either, Puckerman, so don’t tell me to shut up.”

“Finn’s my boy, it’s more my business than yours.”

“Mercedes d-does have a p-point. F-finn should do the r-right thing.” Tina voiced her opinion.

“It’s not even my baby. Quinn’s gonna have to figure out what to do without me.”

“It is too. I told you how it happened.”

“And Puck told me it’s impossible to get a girl pregnant in a hot tub.”

Santana laughed. “Hot tub? Really Fabray, you tried that old trope? I admit that Hudson’s stupid enough to believe it, but you had to know someone would set him straight. Man hands or Ladyface would just to break you two up.”

Rachel and Kurt look offended. 

Quinn changed tactics. “You’re right Finn. It’s not yours. It’s Pucks.”

Puck just laughed. “Dude, I told you she was gonna try to blame me.”

“Puckerman, that’s not right, sleeping with your best friends’ girlfriend.”

“It’s still not your business, Aretha. I didn’t sleep with her.”

“Then why did she say you did.”

“I don’t know. Ask her.”

Quinn is on the verge of tears now. Mercedes and Tina lead her over to a chair and help her to sit down. 

“Quinn, honey, what’s going on?” Mercedes asks her.

“He came over to my house.” A few tears slip artfully down her cheeks. “He had wine coolers with him. I just felt so fat and ugly that day, and he was being so nice. Before I knew it, he had my clothes off.”

Mercedes glared daggers at Puck. “You dog.”

Puck doesn’t even bother answering Mercedes. He looks at Finn instead. “She’s lying. I told you what happened.”

Finn’s starting to doubt.

“She’s lying. We drank a couple wine coolers, we made out a little but when she went for my belt buckle, I stopped it and got the hell out of there.”

Artie speaks for the first time. “I don’t know Finn. Quinn is a good student and a good girl. And Puck’s got something of a reputation.”

“None of your business either, Four Eyes. Finn, I’ve been your best friend since first grade. I wouldn’t do that. Bros before Hos.”

“Noah, there’s no reason to use that kind of language.”

“She just practically accused me of rape. Using a little foul language is tame. And this is the girl that bullied you relentlessly on your MySpace page. Why are you on her side now?”

“We’re just trying to get to the truth here. We need to get this situation straightened out so we can concentrate on Sectionals.”

“Nice to know you’ve got your priorities…” Puck breaks off as a thought occurs to him. “Oh, I just figured it out. Oh you bitch. You go away on vacation, and when you get back, you try to screw Finn in the hot tub. But that didn’t go as planned because he’s got that hair trigger. So then you invite me over and try to get with me, but that didn’t go as planned either, because I care a hell of a lot more for Finn than anyone else in my life, so I wouldn’t do that to him. So now you’re lying, trying to turn them all against me so no one asks any difficult questions. So tell us Quinn. Who did you bang when you were on vacation? Who’d you get knocked up by, because it wasn’t me and it wasn’t Finn.”

Quinn looks around to see if anyone is still on her side. Mercedes would probably believe her just because she hated Puckerman and wasn’t too fond of Finn either. Artie and Tina were already half on her side. 

Kurt sees her looking around and knows what she’s doing. “Before you open your mouth and lie again, you should know that both Puck and Finn are going to insist on a paternity test.” 

“So much for being an honorary girl.”

“I have no obligation to support you when you’re lying your ass off. And Rachel is right. We don’t need this drama when we’re trying to prepare for a competition.”

Quinn stand up with a huff. “I don’t need you,” she spits at Finn. “I don’t need any of you. I can do this by myself. And as for your stupid competition, good luck with that. Because I quit.”

She storms out of the room, almost running down Mr. Schuester who finally shows up for rehearsal.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. Who has some ideas for Sectionals?”

 

That afternoon, Finn and Puck are again hanging out at Finn’s house, playing video games.

“Thanks again for not fucking my girlfriend.”

“Dude, like I said, you’re more important to me than any girl or cougar or anybody. A guys only got one best friend.”

“Do you think Quinn will come back?”

“Probably. She has nowhere else to go. Sylvester will figure out soon that she’s preggars and kick her off the Cheerios.”

“Would you mind if she came back?”

“Dude, you’re the one she cheated on. Do you mind if she comes back?”

“I could put up with it. What about you? She did lie about you banging her.”

“I don’t care. Come back or not, makes no difference to me.”

“You know the whole schools gonna wonder which one of us knocked her up.”

“Dude, I don’t care about that either. As long as you know I didn’t, the rest of the school can kiss my ass.” 

They play for a while longer.

“Now that you and Quinn have broken up, Rachel’s gonna try and get with you.”

“Dude, not going there. She’s just scary.”


End file.
